Speaking in Tones: The Art and Science of Politeness in Japanese (Keigo)

In English, we instinctively adjust our language based on who we’re talking to. The way you ask a friend for a favor (“Hey, can you grab me a coffee?”) is worlds away from how you’d ask your CEO (“Excuse me, would it be possible for me to speak with you for a moment?”). This shift in tone and vocabulary is a universal feature of human communication. But in Japanese, this concept isn’t just a matter of choosing different words; it’s a deeply integrated grammatical system known as Keigo (敬語), or “respectful language.”

Keigo is more than just saying “please” and “thank you.” It’s an intricate architecture of politeness that shapes verbs, nouns, and sentence structures to reflect the precise social relationship between the speaker, the listener, and the person being discussed. It’s a linguistic dance, and understanding its steps offers a profound insight into the cultural value of social harmony in Japan.

The Grammar of Social Context: Uchi-Soto

At the heart of Keigo is the concept of uchi-soto (内 Soto), which translates to “inside” and “outside.” This cultural principle divides the world into in-groups (uchi) and out-groups (soto).

• Uchi (内): Your “inside” group includes yourself, your family, your close colleagues, and your company. When speaking to someone from an out-group, you refer to your own group humbly.
• Soto (外): Your “outside” group includes everyone else—customers, people from other companies, seniors, and anyone you don’t know. You speak to and about these individuals with respect.

This dynamic is relative. Your boss is part of your uchi group when you’re speaking to a client from another company. In that context, you would speak humbly about your boss. However, when you’re speaking directly *to* your boss, they are your superior, and you must use respectful language toward them. Mastering Keigo means constantly assessing your position relative to others and adjusting your grammar accordingly.

The Three Pillars of Keigo

Keigo is broadly divided into three main categories. While learners often find them daunting, thinking of them by their function makes them much easier to grasp: elevating others, humbling yourself, and general politeness.

1. Teineigo (丁寧語) — The Polite Foundation

If you’ve ever studied basic Japanese, you’ve already used Teineigo. This is the standard, all-purpose polite language used to show general respect to strangers, acquaintances, or anyone you’re not on casual terms with. It doesn’t elevate or humble anyone; it simply creates a polite, neutral distance.

The most common markers of Teineigo are:

• The verb ending -masu (ます). For example, taberu (to eat) becomes tabemasu.
• The sentence ender desu (です) instead of the casual da.
• The honorific prefixes o- and go- used for general refinement (e.g., o-cha for tea, o-kane for money).

Teineigo is the workhorse of polite Japanese. It’s the safe, reliable choice when you’re unsure of the social dynamics at play.

2. Sonkeigo (尊敬語) — Respectful Language (Elevating Others)

Sonkeigo is where the real art of Keigo begins. This form is used when you are speaking about someone of higher social status—a boss, a customer, an elder, or a respected teacher. It functions by elevating the other person and their actions, essentially putting them on a linguistic pedestal.

This is achieved by using special verbs and expressions. These aren’t just polite versions; they are entirely different words.

Examples of Sonkeigo Verbs:

• To go/come/be (iku/kuru/iru) → irassharu (いらっしゃる)
• To do (suru) → nasaru (なさる)
• To eat/drink (taberu/nomu) → meshiagaru (召し上がる)
• To see (miru) → goran ni naru (ご覧になる)
• To say (iu) → ossharu (おっしゃる)

So, instead of asking your boss, “When will you eat lunch?” (Itsu hiru-gohan o tabemasu ka?), you would ask, “When will you partake of your lunch?” (Itsu hiru-gohan o meshiagarimasu ka?). You are using a special verb to describe their action respectfully.

3. Kenjōgo (謙譲語) — Humble Language (Lowering Yourself)

If Sonkeigo elevates others, Kenjōgo does the opposite: it humbles you and your in-group. You use Kenjōgo when speaking about your own actions to a person of higher status. By lowering yourself, you indirectly elevate the listener.

Like Sonkeigo, this form uses its own set of special verbs.

Examples of Kenjōgo Verbs:

• To go/come (iku/kuru) → mairu (参る)
• To do (suru) → itasu (いたす)
• To receive/eat/drink (morau/taberu/nomu) → itadaku (いただく)
• To see (miru) → haiken suru (拝見する)
• To say (iu) → mōsu (申す)

For example, if you are telling your client you will visit their office, you wouldn’t say ikimasu (I will go). Instead, you would say, “I will humbly go” — mairimasu (参ります). If you are introducing yourself, you would say, “My name is [Name]” using the humble form: [Name] to mōshimasu.

Putting It All Together: A Real-World Scenario

Imagine a student, Yamada, speaking to their professor, Tanaka-sensei. The context demands a careful mix of Sonkeigo and Kenjōgo.

Yamada wants to ask Tanaka-sensei if they have seen the report he submitted.

Yamada: 「先生、私がお送りしたレポートをご覧になりましたか。」
(Sensei, watashi ga o-okuri shita repōto o goran ni narimashita ka?)

Let’s break this down:

• “The report that I sent…” — Yamada describes his own action of sending (okuru) using a humble form, o-okuri suru. He is lowering his own action.
• “…did you see it?” — Yamada describes the professor’s action of seeing (miru) using the respectful Sonkeigo form, goran ni naru. He is elevating the professor’s action.

In one sentence, Yamada has linguistically bowed to his professor while simultaneously placing him on a higher level. This is the essence of Keigo in action.

More Than Words: The Spirit of Keigo

Mastering Keigo is a lifelong journey, even for native Japanese speakers. In fact, there’s a phenomenon called baito keigo (“part-timer Keigo”), where young workers misuse honorifics in ways that sound awkward or incorrect to seasoned ears. This highlights that Keigo is not just about memorizing vocabulary lists; it’s about developing a sensitivity to social context and an attitude of consideration (omoiyari).

For language learners, the path can be steep. But approaching Keigo not as a rigid set of rules but as a window into the Japanese emphasis on harmony (wa, 和) can make it one of the most rewarding aspects of learning the language. It reveals how a culture’s deepest values can be woven into the very fabric of its grammar, turning every conversation into an act of social awareness.