The German ‘You’: When to Use Du, Sie, or Ihr

You’re standing in a German bakery. The smell of fresh Brötchen is intoxicating. You’ve practiced your order, you know exactly what you want, but as you step up to the counter, a wave of social panic washes over you. It’s not about the nouns or the cases. It’s about one tiny, powerful word: “you.”

Do you address the middle-aged baker with the formal “Sie” or the friendly “du”? Getting it wrong feels like it could ruin everything. Welcome to one of the most challenging, and culturally significant, aspects of learning German. Choosing the right “you” isn’t just grammar; it’s a reflection of respect, relationship, and social context. But don’t worry. Let’s break down this social minefield together.

The Default for Respect: The Formal ‘Sie’

If you learn only one rule, let it be this: when in doubt, use ‘Sie’. ‘Sie’ is the formal “you” and serves as your all-purpose social safety net. It’s polite, respectful, and you can almost never go wrong by being too formal. Germans will appreciate the effort and respect you’re showing.

‘Sie’ is used for both a single person and multiple people in a formal context. A key giveaway is that ‘Sie’ (and its related forms like Ihnen for “to you” and Ihr for “your”) is always capitalized. This makes it easy to spot in writing.

When to use ‘Sie’:

• Strangers: Anyone you don’t know, regardless of age (except for children). This includes the baker, the cashier, the person you ask for directions.
• Authority Figures: Police officers, government officials, doctors, professors.
• Professional Contexts: Colleagues (especially in traditional companies), clients, business partners, and your boss.
• Anyone Older Than You: As a general rule of thumb, if someone is clearly a generation older, ‘Sie’ is the safe and respectful choice.
• In Service Situations: Staff in shops, restaurants, hotels, and on public transport.

Notice the verb conjugation changes with ‘Sie’. It typically uses the infinitive form of the verb.

“Entschuldigen Sie, wo ist der Bahnhof?” (Excuse me, where is the train station?)

“Können Sie mir bitte helfen?” (Can you please help me?)

“Was möchten Sie trinken?” (What would you like to drink? – to one person or a group of customers)

Getting Personal: The Informal ‘du’

‘Du’ is the informal, singular “you.” It signals familiarity, closeness, and a casual relationship. Using ‘du’ inappropriately can be seen as disrespectful or overly familiar, as if you’re ignoring a social boundary. Think of it as being on a first-name basis.

When to use ‘du’:

• Family and Close Friends: This is the most common use of ‘du’.
• Children and Teenagers: Anyone up to the age of about 16 is typically addressed with ‘du’.
• Fellow Students: University students almost always use ‘du’ with each other.
• Peers in Casual Settings: In sports clubs, at parties among young people, or in creative/alternative scenes.
• God and Animals: Interestingly, prayers use ‘du’ to show a personal, intimate relationship with God. You’d also use ‘du’ for your dog.

The Ritual of “das Du anbieten”

The switch from ‘Sie’ to ‘du’ is a significant social step. It’s not something you just decide to do. There’s a ritual called das Du anbieten (to offer the ‘du’). The right to offer the ‘du’ is traditionally held by the older or more senior person. It’s a verbal invitation to move to a more informal, friendly level of communication.

This offer might sound like:

“Ich glaube, wir können uns duzen. Ich bin der Thomas.” (I think we can use ‘du’. I’m Thomas.)

“Wollen wir nicht ‘Du’ sagen?” (Shouldn’t we say ‘Du’?)

Accepting this offer is often sealed with a handshake and saying your first name. Refusing the offer is very rare and would be considered a significant social rebuff.

Talking to the Tribe: The Plural ‘ihr’

This is where many English speakers get tripped up. What if you’re talking to a group of people? If you would address each person in that group individually with ‘du’, then you use the informal plural ‘ihr’. Think of ‘ihr’ as the German equivalent of “you guys” or “y’all.”

So, if you walk up to a group of your friends, you would say:

“Hallo! Was macht ihr heute Abend?” (Hello! What are you guys doing tonight?)

“Habt ihr Hunger?” (Are you all hungry?)

Crucially, do not mix this up with the formal plural. If you were addressing a group of your work clients, you would still use ‘Sie’.

“Was machen Sie heute Abend?” (What are you [all] doing tonight? – formal)

So, the rule is simple:

• Group of people you know well (‘du’ people) = ihr
• Group of people you don’t know/formal setting (‘Sie’ people) = Sie

The Modern Minefield: Work, the Web, and When Rules Bend

While the traditional rules are a strong foundation, modern German society has its grey areas.

In the Office: The ‘Duzkultur’ vs. ‘Siezkultur’

The workplace is a fascinating battleground. A company’s culture is often defined by whether it has a Duzkultur (a ‘du’ culture) or a Siezkultur (a ‘Sie’ culture).

• Startups, tech companies, and international firms often default to ‘du’ for everyone, from the intern to the CEO, to foster a flat hierarchy and a team-oriented atmosphere.
• Traditional German companies, banks, and government agencies often maintain a strict ‘Siezkultur’. You might work with someone for years and still address them as ‘Sie’.

When starting a new job, listen to how others interact and, if unsure, start with ‘Sie’ until told otherwise.

Online Spaces: The Digital ‘du’

On social media like Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok, ‘du’ is king. The general vibe is informal and personal. However, on professional networks like LinkedIn or XING, ‘Sie’ is still the standard when first contacting someone.

A Note on Advertising

Pay attention to advertisements. A brand’s choice of “you” tells you a lot about its target audience. IKEA famously uses ‘du’ in its German marketing to create a friendly, accessible, and personal brand image. A luxury car brand or a private bank, on the other hand, will exclusively use ‘Sie’ to convey professionalism and prestige.

More Than a Word: A Sign of Respect

Navigating ‘du’, ‘ihr’, and ‘Sie’ can feel daunting, but it’s a direct path to understanding the heart of German culture—a culture that values clear social structures but also deep, earned familiarity.

Don’t be paralyzed by fear. Germans are usually aware that this is a tricky concept for learners and will be forgiving of mistakes. Your effort to respect their social norms will be noticed and appreciated far more than your occasional slip-up.

So next time you’re in that bakery, take a breath. The baker is a stranger providing a service. You can say with confidence: “Guten Tag, ich hätte gern zwei Brötchen, bitte. Was können Sie mir empfehlen?”

You haven’t just ordered bread; you’ve shown cultural respect. And that’s a truly fluent move.